10 Key Lessons on the Art of Being Self-Reliant
True self-confidence can only come from the inner conviction that you only ever need yourself to lean on in life. Although that is not a given for anybody, the heroic effort taken to establish this belief as the one you hold above all others inevitably rewards you with a self-confidence that is unbreakable.
"This belief is formed by striving every moment of your life to be totally self-reliant."
Based on the book “Beyond Success and Failure” by Willard and Marguerite Beecher and some other books (listed at the end) that follow the same premise, here are the main points to take away from what self-reliance is and how to acquire it:
10 KEY LESSONS IN THE ART OF BEING SELF-RELIANT
One – It Is a Natural Desire in All of Us to Be Independent and Self-Reliant-The story of Alexander Selkirk comes to mind when I describe this phenomenon. As the inspiration for the fictional Robinson Crusoe, Selkirk actually was marooned on a remote island and hunted by the Spanish fleet. Left with no other alternative, he learned to be self-reliant to simply survive. He did more than surviving. His time in the wild turned him into a badass by all accounts. When he was finally rescued, people noticed that not only was he stronger and faster physically, but also that he somehow possessed the navigational knowledge it would have taken much longer for the average person to acquire, along with a personal initiative that couldn’t be matched.
Two – Dependency Is an Emotional Habit, and All Habits Can Change-In doing so, you must trust on two facts that have been proven to be true:
1:- It’s very much possible, but the amount of time required to change them, is directly proportional to the extent of the bad emotional habits you have.
2:- Self-awareness and honesty are required in this process.
Three – The Illusion of Success and Failure on Somebody Else’s Terms Makes Us Reliant on Their Games-
Four – We Become First Class Citizens When We Create What We Value Most in Our Own Fashion
Five – We Actualize Our Potentials through Slowly Chipping Away at Life – the Grazing Principle-The grazing principle simply states that we were not born to dream so big that we are lost in them. We are born to do what we enjoy most, which slowly chips away at a continual and repetitive process. We do this until we look back and see how far we have really gone. We graze like horses do, without a thought of what it means to not reach our unrealistic goals. We are not haunted by anxieties but are constantly filled with the inherent nurturing reward that this process brings. We live in a constant state of Flow.
Six – We Cannot Build Self-Reliance on Dependent Habits, It Must Be Judiciously Built on Its Own Principles
Seven – We Run Away from Main Tent of Reality to the Sideshow of Fantasies, Where Our Dependent Habits Are Reinforced-Trapped by our morbid dependency, we have all developed a penchant for escaping the reality that we are not allowed to fully grasp on our own. This morbid dependency takes the form of a side tent, where we create an alternate reality from the main tent of life. This side show gives us imaginary untold power and immediate rewards what life seems to deny us.
Initially taught by the dependent emotional habit, we actually build our own shackles in our adult lives. Instead of facing reality and learning to grow in order to adapt to it, we create an alternate persona and an alternate world to fit to our dependent mindsets. Whenever we are faced with the facts of reality in the main tent, those automatic forces create anxiety, causing us to run back to our side show.
The side show was created by a helpless child to contain his mental energies in such a way that it doesn’t bother the adults. However, if this helpless child tends to not disassemble the side show to fully join the main tent when he grows up. This is why to become self-reliant in reality, we must go back and heal this inner child. He must be convinced that the side show is actually not much fun compared to the main tent. He must be given the emotional tools required to play in the main tent with all his energies.
Eight – Love as a Gift Is Something a Truly Emotionally Self-Reliant Can Give
Nine – the Self-Reliant Manipulates His Own Thinking and Circumstances, the Dependent Manipulates Others
Ten – General Competitiveness Blocks the True Power of Initiative
(BONUS) Eleven – the Dependent Person Will Always Entangle Himself in Deeper Neuroticisms-There is no way a person can live dependently and not be deeply entrenched in some kind of neuroticism. He may imagine himself to master all arenas of life. He may imagine himself infinitely attractive to others. He may resign himself from all worldly desires and wishes. He may efface his identity by living through others.
His punishment is the deep neuroticism that grows out of this unnatural dependent mindset. Men have evolved all necessary mental tools required to be independent. If he does not choose to use these tools as they are meant to be used, they will turn on him.
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